A few days ago, V made the comment to me that she's not ready for us to have a baby, because she isn't ready to not be the center of my attention. It was a silly comment, but the more I've thought about it, the more right it is.
Even taking out the part where I like my sleep too much, and the ability to visit our old hometown without planning out where to sleep until the day before, and not always worrying about actually eating a meal - all of which are very valid reasons for me to not have a baby right now - it's also true that I want to be able to give her my focus, help her with her first year of teaching, run out to Starbucks for a chai latte on a moment's notice, snuggle in bed on the mornings she doesn't have to get up early.
After all we've come through to be together, I've vowed over and over to myself to not ever take her for granted. And while one day, us having a baby will be the perfect expression of what our love has created, for the present, I'm still too busy treasuring the fact that I went out and did that crazy thing called marrying a girl.
But not just any girl. One I want to pin all my attention and affection on for a good while yet.